Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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