the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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