So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
