i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
