I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All the doctor said was why
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
