i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
