Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize