so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize