Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
