your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
