One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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