Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
