Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
