she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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