apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
