Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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