we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
