when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize