I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
