Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
