lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
