Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
