We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
