You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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