Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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