Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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