I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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