You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
