take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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