That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
