Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
