End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
