I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize