I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm really busy with my period
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