I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
