so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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