Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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