A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think a kid would responsible me up
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
