did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
