I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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