I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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