is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So squirting runs in the family.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
