I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
