Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
