She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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