well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
