Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
