I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
