oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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