I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
