So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Found the puke drawer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
