i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
