My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize