Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
