apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
