Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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