Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
