Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
