Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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