You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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