): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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