One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
