dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
