a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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