There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
