Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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