sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
