I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
