i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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