Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
