I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
