the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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