the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize