We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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