I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
