Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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