kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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