Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize