he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
