there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
