It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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