I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
