goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
