I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
