ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
