I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
