He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
