I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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