so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
