$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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