I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
