I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
whose parrot is this?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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