All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
