i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
soo... how was my night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
