Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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