My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My day in three words: secret purse cake
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
