I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it hurts more in the daytime
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
