let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
there is puke in my bra ... again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
