Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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